White Julie (modeled after Black Stacey - Saul Williams)

There was a time when I cried in my bed at night,
Asking god why I couldn’t die that night.
Talking about the who’s who in the music industry,
And the top dog on the list is who we wanted to be.
I know it was foolish of me,
But it’s because of that I learned to dream.
I was never able to make friends in school,
I joked and played too much trying to make myself cool.
You see I was just putting on a show,
Because there was a lot of stuff I wanted no one to know.
There was a time,
When I tried to lay a fat rhyme.
And you hollered at me,
“Hey you, your white man.”
I think I’m too white.
Dad do you think I’m to white?
I think I’m too white.
White Julie.
They called me White Julie.

Now in all of my lessons,
What I was learning while the school of life was testing.
No matter what people say,
No matter how hard you think it’ll be today.
Just get out there.
Don’t be afraid to do what you want to do,
Don’t be afraid to walk out into the world and go.
Just be true to yourself,
Love yourself,
Laugh at yourself.
We’ll be with you.
No matter what this world has brought,
Drugs, violence, deaths, and enemies.
We may all join together,
One army to march together.
March to let our true selves show,
The ones we don’t let people know.
Throw our fear to the wind,
We don’t have to ever hide again.

Black Stacey - By: Saul Williams

I used to hump my pillow at night
The type of silent prayer to help myself prepare for the light.
Me and my cousin Duce would rank the girls between one and ten
and the highest number got to be my pillows pretend.
Now I apologize to every high ranker.
But you taught me how to dream and so I also thank you.
I never had the courage to approach you at school.
We joked around a lot and I know you thought I dressed cool.
But I was just covering up all the insecurities that came bubbling up.
My complexion had
me stuck in an emotional rut, 'like the time you Flavor Flaved me and you called me
"Yo Chuck, they say
you're too black, man".
I think I'm too black.
Mom, do you think I'm too black? I think I'm too black.
Black Stacey.
They called me Black Stacey.
I never got to be myself 'cause to
myself I always was Black Stacey, in polka dots
and paisley, a double goose
and bally shoes, you thought it wouldn't phase me.
I was Black Stacey.
the preachers' son from Haiti
who rhymed a lot and always got the dance steps at the party.
I was Black Stacey.
you thought it wouldn't phase me, but it did 'cause I was just a kid.


I used to use bleaching creme, 'til Madame CJ Walker walked into my dreams.
I dreamt of being white and
complimented by you, but the only shiny black thing that you liked was my shoes.
Now, I apologize for bottling up
all the little things you said that warped my head and my gut.
Even though I always told you not to.
brag about the fact that your great grand
mother was raped by her slave master. Yeah, I became
militant too.
So it was clear on every level I was blacker than you.
I turned you on to Malcolm X and
Assata Shakur in my three quarter elephant goose with the fur.
I had the high top fade
with the steps on the side.
I had the two finger ring, rag top on the ride.
I had the sheep skin, name
belt, Lee suit, Kangol, acid wash Vasco, chicken and waffle.


Black Stacey.
They called me Black Stacey.
I never got to be myself 'cause to myself I always was Black Stacey, in polka dots
and paisley, a double goose and bally shoes, you thought it wouldn't phase me.
I was Black Stacey. the preachers'
son from Haiti who
rhymed a lot and always got the dance steps at the party.
I was Black Stacey.
You thought it wouldn't phase me, but it did 'cause I was just a kid.

Now here's a little
message for you.
All you baller playa's got
some insecurities too, that you could cover up, bling it up, cash in
and ching ching it up, hope no
one will bring it up, lock it down and string it up.
Or you can share your essence with us, 'cause everything about you couldn't be rugged
and ruff.
And even though you tote a
glock and you're hot on the
streets, if you dare to share your heart, we'll nod our heart to
its beat.
And you should do that, if nothing else, to prove
that a player like you could keep it honest and true. Don't mean to call your bluff but
mothafucka that's what I do.
You got platinum chain
then, son, I'm probably talking to you.
And you can call your gang, your posse and the rest of your crew.
And while you're at it get them addicts and the indigent too. I plan to have a whole army
by the time that I'm through to load their guns with songs they haven't sung.

Performance Poem

Death and destruction Heartbreaks and pain
Lost in the shadows of a world unknown
Waiting to be found,
Deep in the corner.
FIND ME,
FIND ME NOW.
Scared and lonely,
Broken and confused.
I cry,
I weep.
Close my eyes.
Succumb to sleep.
I remember,
It was once such a nice world.
But now it’s lost,
Scream into my pillow.
FIND ME,
FIND ME NOW.
Love is no longer there,
Tears running down my face.
Eyes red,
Hours spent weeping.
Why,
WHY.
Must this always happen to me.
I just want to be happy,
Just this one time.
I scream to the sky,
Hands in air.
Signaling to be noticed.
FIND ME,
FIND ME NOW
Hahaha now I’m found...

1) The voice described in my poem is one of hate, fear, and sorrow. Screaming to be found, describing acts of weeping, and feeling lost.
2) I plan to put an emphasis on the anger, with the find me now parts. I will be screaming, and softening my voice as needed.
3)I will incorporate a lot of fist shaking, and gestures to saddness, facial features.
4)I'm frighten that I will make a fool of myself. Although I look forward to being different.
5)The voice, and gestures brings a livelyness to the poem, and makes it more of its own. By raising my voice with anger, than lowering it to sadness. Fists to the sky with anger. And So on

I Feel Like Dying - Lil' Wayne

Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
(I feel like, I feel like, I feel like...)

Yeah, hello...Get lifted...
Yeah, I get lifted
Yeah, yeah, so get lifted... yup! Haha...

I am sittin' on the clouds, I got smoke comin' from my seat
I can play basketball with the moon, I got the whole world at my feet
Playin' touch football, on marijuana street
Or, in a marijuana field, you are so beneath my cleets
Get high, so high, that I... feel... like... lying
Down in a cigar, roll me up and smoke me 'cause...
(I feel like dying)

Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
(I feel like, I feel like, I feel like...)

Swimming laps around a bottle of Louis the Thirteenth
Jumpin' off of a mountain into a sea of Codeine
I'm at the top of the top, but... still I climb
And if I should ever fall, the ground would then turn to wine
Pop, pop, I feel like flying, then I feel like frying, then...
(I feel like dying)

Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
(I feel like, I feel like, I feel like...)

I can mingle with the stars, and throw a party on Mars
I am a prisoner, locked up behind Xanax bars
I have just boarded a plane, without a pilot
And violets are blue, roses are red
Daisies are yellow, the flowers are dead
Wish I can give you this feeling... I feel like buying
And if my dealer don't have no more, then...
(I feel like dying)
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying
Only once the drugs are done, that I feel like dying... I feel like dying

This song is how I was when I used drugs and alcohol, and it reminds me of where I came from.. As it mentioned a "Prisoner behind Xanax bars..." as in couldn't escape the drug. "I'm at the top, but still I climb..." I was always in search of a better high, a more happy place. Nothing was good enough. At the beginning "I got the whole world at my feet..." once long ago I thought that, but it was a lie to myself. Thats why I picked this song. This song takes me back to the beginning and the end of my life. Now I am happy to be sober, and not searching, not living on false hope, and I DON'T feel like dying.

Rhythmatic Neccesaties

Drugs, lies, and petty crimes.
Living in a world of mimes.
Of a new breed,
Living off a new need.
It’s a simple reason,
Arnold Benedict… we call it treason.
Turn my back to the past,
Start a new path.
Live a new life,
Pain cuts deep like a knife.
Just keep walking,
The lips are moving but no talking.
It’s a simple rhyme,
Tick tock goes the clock telling time.
Every second a babies born,
A person dies.
Watching as a grown man cries.
The agony of suffering,
Demons inside keep wrestling.
A need to escape,
I have to get out of my mind before it’s to late.
The buzzer sounds,
It’s to late.